Thoughts IV.

Lmao, yesterday was a weird revelation. Shit man, a princess she may be, would she ever let me make her my queen? I don't know, shit is extremely weird. She's still a ocean away and I'm at the dock watching her sail away. I can't swim, but I might dive in for her. Show her she's worth it, maybe just let her know I'm different. Will you hear me out? Not even on no shy shit, but on my grown man shit. Even grown men get scared, but I can meet you half way.

Question is where will you be when I get there?

Thoughts III.

Hmmm, thinking, mind is racing, thoughts speeding by my like I'm walking in an autocross race.  This crush is weird as fuck, so I called, did what I meant to do during the phone call, yet froze up and had no idea what else to say to her afterward. I feel like such a fucking dork. So, I am not sure, I like talking to her, yet I have no idea what to say. I wish to get to know her better but, I choke as to say.

 

Kyle[Alexander]is out like FILA.

Lifted.

Oh shit, eyes sitting type low, but I live for it. The feeling rips through my body entering my soul in its most purest form. I feel like Usher's in "Love You Gently". It loves me gently, sweeping me in to a  harmonizing state. It just perfect, an un-cloud mind. 

I'm not even sure right now, maybe one day, something. Dorian was right. Yet, women just leave  me speechless.

Kyle[Alexander]Out.

Thoughts II.

I guess this an ongoing running of my thoughts, as I let the melodies seep into my veins and control my mind. As I read the blogs of a younger self and see where I have changed and places I haven't it amazes me that, I was once the person who took the time to write such things. This person, is gone for the better for the most part. Yet, I will always feel my eyes are the gateway to my soul which will lead you to the person Kyle really is. I will let the music engulf me and take me to another world unknown to the rest. A place where complete bliss surrounds me and I can think clearly.

The next thought is that of a crush, in which I hope it may develop into a liking when the time comes. I have grown and am shedding that shy outer shell for an adult confident one . I know enough to know she's pretty fucking awesome and doesn't make me feel like the nerd I am. She even likes when I sing, but I can't. I still get nervous though, not too much though. I am still a hopeless romantic and that might make shit harder. I have taken one step toward her, fearing of the five I make take backward from her.

Hmmm, it's almost five in the morning. I guess I will venture to my apartment now.

Till next time.

Mister Kyle.

LateNight[Thoughts].

Shit has been quite different, entering a new environment, yet I seem to like it. With a clouded mind, I wonder if opening up with any soul is the right thing? Maturing in ways I would of never imagined possible. Seems still, I am not sure if the person Kyle has grown to be is a person one should involve one's self with, or maybe he's nervous. I realize, I have a habit of taking one step forward and five back, seems like it keeps me from most who doesn't understand. Most times I cannot think straight, yet I force a feasible smile and clear statement.

Back to the reality inside of this mind of mine.

Unknown[Apology].

Before I can continue this blog any farther, I have one friend who I feel extremely bad about, and for that I owe you an apology. I know it can't take back what had transpired recently, but do know that my sincerest apology is what I do offer.

Yet, I did learn something. Kyle can't be Kyle even yet. The sanctity of my trust was yet once again broken. Yet, I will be calm and revert back to the person I once was. Trust, is something distant and far in the world that I live in, and it always seems if I attempt to open up one person ruins it for the rest of the world. Only one understand the struggle it is to go on each day and to show the fabrications of a smile I put on for each and every one of you. Yet, you continue to push me father into the abyss with hopes and smiles of glee upon your faces.

Thanks, you've lost Kyle more.

Unknown II.

Lost causes. Not even sure, years maybe wasted. I don't know. I do know Kyle is really gone, who knows where, I know he doesn't care. There's another world inside his mind he runs off to when this shitty thing they call reality comes in to play and he's fed up, so he can grab a hold of sanity. Fuck if he knows. Feelings are for the foolish, he discovered it while being an hard-headed idiot. So he ran off even farther, dare to try and catch him? I doubt you can or will ever, unless he findsthe willingness to go. Enter with caution when it comes to Kyle, the intenseness of emotion I know you can't handle.