Thinking.

So, I decided that I want to write a book. Yet, I have lost the motivation that I had just had. I ended up breaking my own heart. Kind of sucks, but I blame no one but myself. What can I do?  I am who I am, you love who you love. I cannot change it although I wish I could sometimes.  Without the romantic views, I can go through with taking testosterone therapy. I am still nervous about it, but I have an awesome professor who is willing to help me and be patient. I am not the first student he has had with Gender Identity issues as such. Yet, I am the first who wants pronouns of the opposite gender used. Shit, release this thing called love out my system I will write again.

Eighteen years later. Part III [Present day]

The past year I have started to discover myself and who I am. I am not the person who I have been made to portray my self as. I am Kyle, and a man. I dislike the use of female pronouns used against my person. I am a young man, although I prefer the term manboy. I wake up each morning realizing that I am who I am for a reason. I don't think Gender Identity is a disorder. Most people don't understand it, or will accept it. I do though. Sometimes I contemplate taking testosterone therapy(T shots), but if I do my family will have nothing to do with me. Most are not religious but culturally it will not work. When I was younger I even wanted sexual reassignment, but as the years go by I doubt it. an STP(Stand -to-pee) device will suffice. Like the picture infers... Hand on my nutsack bitch!

Eighteen years later. Part II

For the next eleven or twelve years I go though conflicts, anger and depression. I began to cut myself, think down of myself and even pop pills. I would buy scar creams to keep it hidden. Yet, I could not hide from myself. In my heart, my mind, my soul, I felt not what my body portrayed my as. I felt like a boy at heart, so were my mannerisms for the most part.Yes, there are some feminine attributes, but they make me unique. I'd try and pass for a boy sometimes. I would try to deepen my voice. Then I hit rock bottom. I felt like giving up completely and I did not know what to do, who to turn to, if I was all alone. I was facing this on my lonesome.
Then I decided to look online, and read. I read about GID(Gender Identity Disorder) and everything made sense. I might have this so called GID, but I didn't believe anything was wrong with me.

Eighteen years later. Part I

Damn, can you believe it? That was me eighteen years ago. Shit, hasn't changed much, except you will never catch me in a dress smiling. Yet, I do remember the first time I took notice of that picture, I was five years old. So there I was, five and seen this picture of me, bald. First thought was that I was a boy when I was born and now I am a girl. Simple thoughts of a child, I was ecstatic though. I had not had the theory that I was a male at one point in my life and now that I knew I would be able to revert back to one. Let's jump a hour later with me running to my mother. "Mommy, Mommy! Remember when I was a boy?!" "[birthname], you were never a boy." "Yes, I was mommy look" I said pointing to the picture. "You were just bald, you were never a boy and won't be one" There you go, my dreams were crushed. I thought I would one day grow up to be a man and mother told me otherwise.